Poly Boston is a big, informal group that hosts events for the polyamory community, and the poly-curious, in the Greater Boston area. We hold discussions, dinner, and socials. To get connected, sign up for our announcements and chat lists and say hi!

What is polyamory?

Polyamory (or “poly”) means having, or being able to have, honest, ethical, respectful romantic relationships with more than one person at a time, with the full knowledge and approval of all concerned. Somewhat similar terms are “open relationships” and “responsible non-monogamy.” …

Poly versus Swinging

Polyamory is sometimes confused with swinging. In fact the two cultures are different. In general, people who self-identify as “poly” are strongly focused on relationships and are willing to take on serious emotional processing. People in the swing world (”the Lifestyle”) typically focus on recreational sex — often as couples attending organized swing parties while maintaining emotional monogamy. there are, of course, exceptions on both sides, as well as people who plant themselves various placed in between.

Here’s a shocker: the media has been positive toward the “Poly” movement. Again, from the Poly Boston flier:

Polyamory in the News. The last few years have seen an upswing in mainstream coverage, often surprisingly positive. It’s all collected at polyinthemedia.blogspot.com. In particular, see the big article in the Washington Post about Loving More’s Poly Living Convention (in the site’s Feb. 2008 archive). By the way, in the whole collection of about 300 articles, the very dumbest one was in, wouldn’t you know, the Boston Herald.

The graphic below is a question (one of 70) from the “National Survey on Transgender Experiences of Discrimination in the U.S.,” sponsored by the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. Sort of makes you yearn for the good old days when people were either “male” or “female.” Come to think of it, they still are. You would practically need a PhD., to keep up with the ever-expanding array of gender identities that fall under the “T” umbrella in the “GLBT” (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) equation. Check out this mind-numbing Wikipedia entry attempting to define “Genderqueer.”

Note that the choices offered below do not comprise a comprehensive list of identities associated with GLBT movement, leading to an expansion of that acronym to “GLBTQQ” (the “QQ” stands for “Queer” and “Questioning”) and even longer combinations of letters. (Check out this Unitarian Universalists document, which on its front page also encourages sadomasochistic, prostitution and “non-monogamous” identities for young “queers.” Pure evil.) Here is the NCTE survey question:

The report states, “The results of the survey will be part of an important report on discrimination against transgender people by the National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force to help create better opportunities for transgender and gender non-conforming people. We are grateful to Penn State University’s Center for the Study of Higher Education for hosting the survey and maintaining the integrity of our data.”

The survey will be used to support pro-”transgender” legislative goals, including “hate crimes” legislation and “working to include transgender provisions in a federal bill to protect lesbian, gay and bisexual workers from discrimination in employment.” The latter refers to including “gender identity” provisions in the Employment Nondiscrimination Act (ENDA) bill, which would federalize “sexual orientation” law for businesses and organizations.

________________________________

From: Bob Knight
Sent: Friday, February 06, 2009 12:49 PM
To: \’+AMER HI [Holiday Inn]-Guest Relations (IHG [InterContinental Hotels Group])\’
Subject:  Holiday Inn Columbus-Worthington, OH.

Thank you for your reply, and because it is completely unsatisfactory, I will no longer be using Holiday Inn for any of my overnight stay needs. I find it reprehensible that any responsible company or person would allow this type of an event to be held in one of their \”brand\” businesses. As well, I will be forwarding your response, including the original message that I sent to your office, to inform my friends and acquaintances about your lack of concern in regard to this situation.

Thank you,
Bob Knight
[Melba, Idaho]

________________________________________

From: +AMER HI-Guest Relations (IHG) [HI-GuestRelations@ihg.com]
Sent: Friday, February 06, 2009 12:17 PM
To: [Bob Knight]
Subject: Holiday Inn Columbus-Worthington, OH.

Dear Mr. Knight,
Thank you for contacting InterContinental Hotels Group (IHG) regarding the Holiday Inn Columbus-Worthington, OH. We appreciate the time you have invested to share your comments with us. The Holiday Inn Columbus-Worthington is independently owned and managed by Alliance Hotels & Resorts (Alliance). The Holiday Inn brand did not endorse nor approve the reported activities associated with this group. Alliance has chosen, due to its understanding of its contractual obligations, to allow the group to maintain their reservation. Alliance has assured Holiday Inn that the property is taking every measure to isolate the group to a limited area within the hotel, the event will not be marketed in public areas of the hotel, and that all group events will take place in meeting areas that in addition to being isolated will also be inaccessible to those who are not part of this group. It is our understanding that the hotel has taken several other precautionary measures to manage the impact of this event, including hiring extra security guards. Also, all guests with existing reservations have been notified of this event and have been offered alternate accommodations at a nearby hotel, and the hotel’s inventory has been closed to incoming guests during the event. Once again, thank you for contacting us. I sincerely hope that this experience does not deter you from selecting IHG for your future lodging needs. ———————- Original Message as sent on 2/5/2009

________________________________________

From: Bob Knight
Sent: Friday, February 05, 2009
To: \’+AMER HI-Guest Relations (IHG)\’
Subject: RE: Holiday Inn Columbus-Worthington, OH.

I would like to voice my deepest concerns about the event being held this weekend, called \”Winter Wickedness,\” which is set for the Holiday Inn Columbus-Worthington Hotel. This event, reportedly, is scheduled to feature classes “on \’gangbang\’ fantasies and various acts of sadomasochistic perversion and consensual sexualized violence, including subjecting fellow participants to hot wax torture, whipping, \’cutting\’ and needles, and being stapled with an electric staple gun.\” Frankly, I am utterly amazed that a hotel chain with the \”family reputation\” that the Holiday Inn brand has would even consider endangering their market base.

By allowing anti-family and socially unacceptable practices you are placing your clientele at harm’s risk. I recently read an article about a 22-month old child who found a used condom between the cushions of a couch in a hotel room. This took place somewhere in the Philadelphia, PA, area. This child proceeded to place the condom in its mouth and swallow the contents. The family is obviously horrified, not knowing if the contents contained any form of venereal diseases or AIDS virus — let alone just the mere thought of what an innocent child had just swallowed. The hotel is now facing [a lawsuit], and the suit contends that Homewood Suites and its subsidiaries, Hilton and Blackstone, put the boy at risk by leaving the \”life threatening\” item in the room and subjecting the boy to an increased risk of contracting a \”sexually transmitted disease, including HIV or AIDS, or some other, potentially life-threatening, potentially fatal illness.\”

Should the Winter Wickedness event take place as scheduled, you can rest assured that neither I nor my family will use the Holiday Inn or any of its subsidiaries for lodging again. As well, I have friends, family, and business acquaintances that I am sharing this news story with. Please carefully weigh the social, economic, and health risks that your company is entering into.

With sincere regard,
Bob Knight
[Melba, Idaho]

Leather Leadership, “Moral Leadership”? At its annual “Creating Change” conference for grassroots homosexual and transsexual activists, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force gave its “Leather Leadership Award” to Graylin Thornton, co-owner of a homosexual hard-core pornographic video company (see covered-up covers of videos below). Above is announcement in the Creating Change program. At the same conference in Denver, Task Force director Rea Carey extolled the “gay” movement’s “moral leadership.” The Task Force is heavily involved in promoting homosexuality and other deviancies to youth in the name of “sexual freedom.” Click on graphics to enlarge. 

By Peter LaBarbera

Homosexual activist “morality” is a strange concept indeed. At the same “Creating Change” conference where the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) presented a homosexual S&M pornographer with its “Leather Leadership Award,” Task Force Exective Director Rea Carey extolled the “moral leadership” of her  movement.

The Task Force presented Graylin Thornton, the co-owner of a company that sells homosexual porn videos, with its “leather” award at Creating Change, an annual conference for grassroots activists advocating the following sexual misbehaviors: male homosexuality; lesbianism; bisexuality; transsexuality; sadomasochism and other fetishes; prostitutes (”sex workers”); and “polyamory/nonmonogamy” (multiple-partner and open relationships).

Thornton runs Grey Rose Video Productions, which states on its website: “As active members of the BEAR, LEATHER, and AFRICAN AMERICAN communities, both Graylin and [business partner Chris Meister] are dedicated to continuing a standard of excellence in the production of videos featuring the hot, hung, hunky and hairy ‘real men’ that represent those communities.”

The porn company is selling videos with the following titles:

• Jake Mitchell’s [F--k] Buddies;
  
• JC Carter’s Sex Tape;
  
• This Bear Likes em Black;
  
• Beefy Boyz on the Road;
  
• Skin Tight and Busters Rubber Romp;
  
• Semenhole, Texas;
  
• Black, White and Hot
  

In her “State of the Movement” address Friday at Creating Change — which this year featured the innuendo-laden slogans “Power Is Sexy” and “Action Is Hot” — Carey touted the homosexual movement’s “moral leadership” (emphasis added):

We have much to offer this country.

So, now it is our time to contribute again — to express moral leadership and creative fortitude. … We are leaders in what is good and right and just in this country. When we insist that LGBT people be involved in the policy conversations about the economy, about health benefits, about tax policy, about immigration — as we have been doing with the Obama transition team and administration — we assert our community’s moral leadership.

When we win marriage equality [homosexual "marriage"] in Maine, Iowa, New Jersey and other states — and we will — we assert our community’s moral leadership.

When we pass a gender identity [transsexual]-inclusive ENDA — and we will — we assert our community’s moral leadership.

When we continue to work to get rid of useless abstinence only education, we assert our community’s moral leadership….

George Bush’s “Evil Empire”?

By giving a “leader leadership” award for “social justice” work to a homosexual porn entrepreneur, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force is continuing its tradition of pushing the envelope as the most radical and leftist major homosexual organization. And not just on sexual issues: Carey jokingly referred to the George Bush administration as the “evil empire” – the words Ronald Reagan famously used to describe expansionist Soviet Communism. (Meanwhile, Iraqi citizens, benefiting from the American liberation of their country from despot Saddam Hussein, were preparing to vote in an another free election the day after Carey’s speech.)

Last year, Americans For Truth reported how the Task Force’s 2008 “Leather Leadership Award” recipient, Guy Baldwin, was an advocate of (consensual) “master-slave” sexual relationships — one of the bizarre subcategories within the BDSM (”bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism”) movement. One year, the NGLTF conference featured as a workshop speaker the webmaster of a “Cruising for Sex” website that lists places where men find anonymous homosexual “public sex.”

The trend towards ever greater perversions and gender radicalism continues. The Denver “Creating Change” conference featured the following workshops and caucuses:

• Fostering Communication with the Fetish Community;
• Sex Worker [prostitutes] Caucus;
• What a Pisser! The Politics of Transgender Bathroom Use
• Sexuality Education as a Tool for the Movement

Even so, the Task Force draws major corporate givers and political supporters, including the Democratic National Committee. Several Colorado VIPs including Senator Mark Udall (D) wrote welcoming letters that appear in the front of the Creating Change program.

Talking Sex with Youth

The conference also included workshops directed at youth, including some focused directly on sex:

• Gaydar 101: a Queer Teens guied to dating;
• A Dialog with Youth: Talking about Sex and Sexual Freedom;
• Mentoring Queer Youth
• Quit Passing Notes: Let’s Talk about Sex … in the Classroom

AFTAH will be writing more about the Task Force’s extreme agenda, especially that part of it that involves confused GLBT youth.

Honoree’s Perverse Press Release

Task Force “Leather Leadership Award” honoree Thorton’s pornographic company posted this perverted press release on its website. Note the sex allusions:

Grey Rose Productions Teams With Mack Studios

Gay Porn Titans Jake Mitchell And Mack Manus Hook Up … Literally

Great teams aren’t just born, they are formed. Take Abbott & Costello. Laurel & Hardy. Martin & Lewis. Perhaps the funniest of all, McCain and Palin. Okay, scratch the last one, but still — the point is two talented people coming together can form an unbeatable, winning combination.

Just such a combination — the meeting of two of gay porn’s most popular actors-turned-producers — has been established to take two strong entities, namely Grey Rose Productions and Mack Studios, to create an even stronger product.

Jake Mitchell is beyond excited about the new business arrangement. “I couldn’t be more thrilled to be working with Mack Manus. He is a visionary; he knows how to make a truly hot product. We share a similar style.” Plus Mitchell adds, with a laugh, “He is one [f--king] hot stud!”

That Mack is a hot stud aside, and one of the hottest commodities in European porn, the business arrangement makes complete sense. The studios have similar audiences. And their videos are similar in that they can feature scenes that range from rape to romance, without skipping a beat. Or [an erection]. Guys who like hot, sweaty, tough, hard core, dominant, passionate man-on-man action … daddy scenes, leather, body hair, bears. Both of these companies, of course, are considered at the top of their genres, Mitchell Stateside and Manus across Europe.

To that end, a great teaming is born. Says Mitchell, “We are going to start selling the terrific and very hot Mack Studios videos on the Grey Rose web site and we are also going to have his scenes available for members on my Jake Mitchell site, too.”

Mack Manus is equally happy to be working with Jake Mitchell. Through a translation of his sexy French accent with traces of his native German tossed in, he says: “I’ve watched and enjoyed the Grey Rose brand for some time. Jake and I both started our companies about the same time. We share a very similar philosophy about the men we hire.”

True that. Both companies have earned praise from critics and fans alike for not hesitating to hire hot men, regardless of age or physical appearance. No wussy, fem, straight, gay-for-pretend guys for these studios. Manus says he does not hesitate to cast actors of any age or physical appearance for a role. That was one of the reasons Mitchell also created his company in 2002: more diversity in porn.

Mitchell met Manus, this being the Internet age, via the Web. They started chatting (which is kind of difficult because Mitchell’s French is rusty and Manus doesn’t speak much English.) Still, a little language barrier can’t keep a great team from coming together. Mitchell was planning a trip to Paris and decided they should meet. Mitchell says, “Once he arrived at my flat — and I saw his sexy smile and eyes, wavy hair and beefy body — I knew that we would be able to get past our language barrier.”

Sounds like Mitchell and Manus did more than discuss business. Laughs Mitchell “Well, let’s just say before we signed on the dotted line we had to see if we were compatible in all ways!” That sounds pretty hot. “Me trying to speak French, and him trying to speak English, well, it’s also hysterical at times! But, definitely hot.”

Not only do Mitchell & Manus have similar styles, studios and video product, they also have similar taste in men. Look for their first scene together (they tag team hunky J.C. Carter) soon.

Mitchell & Manus did a meet-and-greet together at the recent IML [International Mr. Leather] in Chicago. Their respective fans are already salivating at the possibilities. It’s truly a great partnership…and just getting started!

We’ve covered up the photo of this fellow — apparently one of Gay Task Force honoree Graylin Thornton’s porn actors — found in the “gallery” section of his company’s website. How this for “moral leadership”?

The excerpts below are from Dan Savage’s 2004 essay, “What Does Marriage Mean?” in Salon.com. Savage and his homosexual ‘husband,” Terry, have adopted a child, which he recounts in his book, “The Kid: What Happened after my Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant.” We’ll leave it to the psychoanalysts to study Savage’s apparent need to rationalize his perverted practices as a parent by pointing to Bill Clinton and heterosexual couples who are also nonmonogamous. — Peter LaBarbera

____________________Dan Savage writes in Salon (emphasis and headers added):

Rare Three-ways

“Have you ever cheated on Terry?” she [a friend] asked me.

I looked at [Savage's homosexual partner ("husband")] Terry and made my “am I allowed to answer this question truthfully?” face. He nodded his head to one side, making his “if you must” face.

“Sure, I’ve cheated on Terry,” I said, after checking to make sure the kids were all out of earshot. “But only in front of him.”

She laughed and looked at me, then Terry, then me again. Were we joking? I shrugged my shoulders. It wasn’t a joke. I had “cheated” on Terry — but only in front of him, only with his permission, only with someone we both liked and trusted, only when we were in one city and our son was in another. So, yes, we’ve had a three-way — actually we’ve had a couple, and while three-ways barely register on the kink-o-meter anymore, they’re considered the absolute height of kink for people like us — for parents, I mean, not for gay people. As parents we’re not really supposed to be having sex with each other, much less have sex with someone else.

She demanded the details, but I would only give her a basic outline. One was a nice French guy who looked like Tom Cruise. The other was with an ex-boyfriend of mine, a Microsoft millionaire who spent hundreds of thousands of dollars building a “playroom” in his basement — a kind of sex toy wonderland. Terry wanted to see this playroom for himself and so we went over for dinner… and one thing led to another…

We emphasized that we regarded three-ways the same way Bill Clinton regarded abortion: They’re best when they’re safe, legal and rare. Really rare. Two in 10 years? We get to vote for president more often than we have three-ways.

Nonmonogamy

But of course straight couples don’t have to be monogamous to be married or married to be monogamous. Monogamy isn’t compulsory and its absence doesn’t invalidate a marriage. There are hundreds of thousands of heterosexual married couples involved in the organized swinging movement and God only knows how many disorganized swingers there are out there. Married straight couples are presumed to be monogamous until proven otherwise, and that assumption serves as a powerful inducement to be (or appear to be) monogamous. Even most swinging couples prefer to be seen as monogamous by friends, family and associates. But as with children, monogamy is optional. It’s up to each individual couple to decide for themselves if monogamy is central to their commitment.

By promoting the idea that monogamy is central to marriage and that all gay couples who want to marry want to be monogamous, gay marriage supporters are puffing up a losing argument. Just as supporters of gay marriage can produce gay and lesbian couples with children, opponents of gay marriage won’t have to search too hard to find non-monogamous gay couples among the thousands of same-sex couples who wed in San Francisco (before the courts called a halt to same-sex marriages there), and are marrying now in Massachusetts.

Indeed, my own relationship presents a tough case for opponents and supporters of gay marriage alike. My boyfriend and I have a child; we’re thinking of adopting another. If children are the gold standard, we should be married. But if monogamy is the gold standard, then the couple of three-ways we admit to having disqualify us….

Protecting the child?

… All sorts of nightmare scenarios play out in people’s minds when a male couple — particularly one with kids — admits to being nonmonogamous. While married couples are presumed to be sober monogamists until proven otherwise, nonmonogamous gay male couples are presumed to be reckless sluts until proven otherwise. So, for the record: My boyfriend and I don’t hang out in sleazy bars at all hours, we don’t have three-ways with men we’ve met on the Internet, and neither of us is willing to take irrational risks for the sake of the next orgasm. Like a huge number of straight couples, we have an understanding. “Cheating” is permissible under a few tightly controlled and highly unlikely circumstances; finally, all outside sexual contact has to be very safe — indeed, it has to be hypersafe, almost comically safe. We’ve never done anything, nor would we ever do anything, that would put our child at risk. (There will be no Kramer vs. Kramer moments, i.e., no strange adults wandering nude through our house in the middle of the night.) For all intents and purposes, the limits we’ve placed on outside sexual contact have resulted in a sort of de facto monogamy. In the 10 years we’ve been together the planets have aligned on a couple of occasions. We’re more nonmonogamous in theory than in practice.

So why not keep our mouths shut and let people assume we’re monogamous? For the most part that’s what we do — gay or straight, it’s what most couples with understandings about outside sexual contact do. Like most long-term couples, my boyfriend and I don’t rub our friends’ noses in the details of our private life — unless we’re pressed, of course, by drunk straight friends. But sexual honesty is a hard habit to break. Once you’ve told people that you’re gay, telling them that you’re nonmonogamous seems like pretty small beans. And with so many supporters of gay marriage busily promoting a double standard about monogamy, I thought at least one gay couple who wanted to marry but didn’t want to be monogamous should speak up. We want equal marriage rights, after all, not the right to be held to a higher standard than straight people hold themselves — on being parents or being strictly monogamous.